dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
