i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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