The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
