And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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