The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
