Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize