did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
