This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
