I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
