When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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