oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dear god my vagina.
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