I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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