I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
