Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
