Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
