I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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