We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He passed out mid-signature
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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