I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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