You're so nebulous sometimes
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
