my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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