seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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