make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
