I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
