i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
