It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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