I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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