It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
