the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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