Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
