you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
