This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
