Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
