Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
