i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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