well I can't set my house on fire every night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
