At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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