Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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