I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
