we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
