First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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