I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
