grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
