dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
