Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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