at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize