Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize