If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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