You're so nebulous sometimes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
