I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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