you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
