I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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