Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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