I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
