sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Help. Why am I so naked?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
