So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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