That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
