Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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