I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
