conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
