You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I want is dick and wine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
