The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
