I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
