How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
